The Unexpected Benefits of Starting Over

There are 6.5 years between child #4 and child #manwe’vegotalotofkids5.  We’ve heard it many times, the “That must have been a surprise!” refrain from family and friends alike.  But the truth is, he was totally and 100% planned.  We wanted to start over, we were ready for it.  In theory, anyway.

Starting over turned out to be physically and emotionally harder than I thought it would be.  My body at 35 was MUCH different than my body at 28, and I’m still experiencing the stress that the pregnancy placed on my system.  And although in my infinite wisdom I decided I could wait until middle age to read a book cover to cover and take hot showers whenever I pleased, once the baby came, I was missing the autonomy I had when all the kids were in school.

I whined a lot.  My husband can attest to that.

But now that our youngest son is nearing 18 months of life, I’m starting to see how this age gap – this starting over – has been good for our family.

For one thing, we are all madly in love with him.  As a family, we enjoy watching his personality quirks surface and how he is learning new things at an exponential rate.  He has managed to unify us in a common infatuation, even when we aren’t getting along very well with each other.

He has also managed to teach us about service, and remind us about patience.  Our other children have learned from him in ways they would not have suffered to learn from us.

I know he has also taught our other children about the bittersweet march of time, and how helpless it can feel to watch someone grow and change before your eyes.  The other day our toddler was behaving fiercely independent, and my 15yo daughter lamented, “Oh, why does he have to grow up so fast?!”  I just looked at her and stated simply, “Now you know how I feel.”  And in that instant, I know she did.

I think I’ve aged more in this last year than in any other year of parenting.  Raising a toddler and a teen at the same time can be incredibly exhausting.  But just like any blessing that enters your life, once you accept it, you can’t ever imagine life without it.

I’m grateful for every day I get to kiss my son’s cheeks and hear him laugh and watch him learn.  Starting over turned out to be one of the smartest things I’ve ever done.

You might also enjoy these related posts from Tree, Root, and Twig:

1. Expect the Unexpected
2. I'm Starting a Movement
3. In Honor of My Teen Starting Driver’s Ed Tonight…

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