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The Stay-At-Home Mind

Posted by on Oct 28, 2009 in Motherhood | 8 comments

Being a stay-at-home mom is not for the weak of mind.  To imply any different is a gross mistake.  To imply any different is to underestimate the strategic brain game that is the life of a stay-at-home mother.

When I worked, I had a job description, I had deadlines, I had communication from colleagues – you do this, I do that, every piece of the puzzle in its place.  I had performance reviews, feedback, raises, and pats on the back.  I had lunch breaks and fifteens that I could sometimes carve into twenties if no one was watching.

When I went to school, I had assignments, syllabi, a professor’s email to use when I had questions.  Classmates, lab partners, study groups.  Red notes in the margins, and grades – wonderful, glorious, ego-stroking grades.  Breaks between classes when I might study, when I might eat, when I might do whatever my whim dictated.

As a stay-at-home mom, it’s up to me to populate my mind with colleagues, classmates, people on my team, an inner world that cheers me on and reminds me where to tighten my focus.  It’s up to me to decide what must be done, in what order, and with how much precision.  And then to find some inner initiative to actually do it.

As a stay-at-home mom I have to constantly negotiate tides of thought and emotion and circumstance without reliable opportunities to take a break and regroup.  More often than not, there are at least one pair of eyes on me as I paddle my mood, mid-current, in a safer direction.

As a stay-at-home mom, I keep my own gradebook, and I’m harder on myself than the most critical boss or professor.  The brain rarely writes in pencil, and it’s a job in itself to blot out the discouragement with brighter, bolder ink.

No, being a stay-at-home mom is not for the weak of mind.  And the next time you’re tempted to think so, listen closely, listen for the gears you’re bound to hear moving.  The gears that keep every day moving, if only slightly different from the last, in a forward, hopeful, progressive motion.

You might also enjoy these related posts from Tree, Root, and Twig:

  1. Why My Mind Can’t Manage To Stay in the Present
  2. Why Do Moms Stay Up So Late?
  3. Home Again, Begin Again

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  • Erica

    Beautifully said! And a reminder I needed. Thank you!

  • Erica

    Beautifully said! And a reminder I needed. Thank you!

  • Melissa

    AMEN! I seriously struggle with the permanent ink and critical eye of my brain. I tend to move in tides that ebb and flow. I run smoothly for awhile and then all of a sudden it is like everything has fallen apart and I can’t gain control. All of us SHMs need to stick together! I’ll be your cheering section and you can be mine.

  • Melissa

    AMEN! I seriously struggle with the permanent ink and critical eye of my brain. I tend to move in tides that ebb and flow. I run smoothly for awhile and then all of a sudden it is like everything has fallen apart and I can’t gain control. All of us SHMs need to stick together! I’ll be your cheering section and you can be mine.

  • Lissa

    Great reminder!

    This is a pet peeve of mine. I’m pretty sure that the ONLY people who think being a SAH mom or dad is easy are those who have NEVER DONE IT! Ignorance isn’t bliss in this case–it’s just bald-faced ignorance. And as any intelligent person knows, you shouldn’t flaunt your ignorance. I was under no delusions when I chose to be a SAHM. Heck, I cried when I found out I was pregnant with Kiera because I knew my life–which I liked just fine as it was–was going to change BIG time. Most days it’s worth it, though.

    Okay, off my soap box now.

  • Lissa

    Great reminder!

    This is a pet peeve of mine. I’m pretty sure that the ONLY people who think being a SAH mom or dad is easy are those who have NEVER DONE IT! Ignorance isn’t bliss in this case–it’s just bald-faced ignorance. And as any intelligent person knows, you shouldn’t flaunt your ignorance. I was under no delusions when I chose to be a SAHM. Heck, I cried when I found out I was pregnant with Kiera because I knew my life–which I liked just fine as it was–was going to change BIG time. Most days it’s worth it, though.

    Okay, off my soap box now.

  • http://www.thisfullhouse.com Liz@thisfullhouse

    Beautiful said, my friend. Though, if you removed the “stay-at-home” you speak for all moms, as well. As you know, I am in transition and in between acronyms at the moment. Though, I am in the habit of ripping off clothing labels. Do I need to be reminded what size I am and do I really want to? I say, we just all continue making our choices and get rid of labels, all together!

  • http://www.thisfullhouse.com Liz@thisfullhouse

    Beautiful said, my friend. Though, if you removed the “stay-at-home” you speak for all moms, as well. As you know, I am in transition and in between acronyms at the moment. Though, I am in the habit of ripping off clothing labels. Do I need to be reminded what size I am and do I really want to? I say, we just all continue making our choices and get rid of labels, all together!

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