To recap (in case you’re new here – hi!), I have five kids: 17, 15, 13, 10, and 4.

Oftentimes when I express frustration or fatigue as a Mother, I’m met with some version of the phrase, “Well, at least your kids are older.”

I’ve never asked anyone what they meant by that; frankly, in the heat of the moment, I’m kind of a wimp about seeming confrontational or contrary.

But taken in context, it’s safe to assume that these comments – usually offered by friends with young children – imply that things must be so much easier for me because my children are older.

If I think about it, I can understand. When my children were young, the reality of being able to leave them alone while I ran to the store seemed as far off and dreamy as Peter Pan’s Neverland.

Having kids who could dress, feed, entertain, and more-or-less take care of themselves seemed like the heavenly light at the end of the dreary parenting tunnel.

So, I get it.

But…

just like Peter Pan, the idea that having older kids is somehow easier is just a fairy tale after all.

True, now I can shower in relative peace, but…

more often than not, my shampoo is missing, my razor is dull, the soap is used up, and the drain is clogged with hair.

True, now they are not my constant shadows, but…

I’m on constant alert as to where they are, what they are doing, with whom they are doing it, and when they’ll be home.

True, I don’t have to wake up with them in the middle of the night, but…

sometimes they don’t come home until the middle of the night, and I’m up anyway, waiting for them.

True, now I can leave the house on my own for a little bit, but…

I will likely come home to food wrappers and dirty dishes in the living room, furniture re-arranged, the animals unfed, and my youngest running around in a ripe, crusty Pull-Up.

True, now they can feed themselves, but…

they feed themselves all the time, somehow managing to finish off ingredients I needed for that night’s dinner.

True, now they’re old enough to “help” with chores and babysitting, but…

it still requires a great deal of dictatorship on my part to get their “help.”

True, the days of “I hope I’m doing this right” are mostly past me, but…

now I’m consumed with “Did I do everything I could?” and “It’s too late now, I’m out of time!”

Honestly, I wouldn’t trade these days for the early ones – I’ve written before about how much I love parenting my teens! – but parenting older kids isn’t a careless, carefree venture. There are still a lot of complexities, annoyances, frustrations, and challenges to my mental health.

It’s like having a cold that moves from your head to your chest – the discomfort isn’t gone, it’s just settled in a little deeper.

If you are a young mother and feel that I’ve altogether burst your bubble, I apologize. You have many wonderful things to look forward to with parenting older children. But eating bon bons on the sofa and living a life of relative ease are, sadly, not among them!

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The Myth of Parenting Older Children is original, copywritten content (unless otherwise indicated) by Stacey Nerdin for her blog Tree, Root, and Twig. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited.

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My mind seems caught in a six-month time warp.

Even though I am going through each day, fulfilling responsibilities, meeting deadlines, completing routine tasks, my mind is not here.

It’s on a six-month fast-forward, caught up in anxieties and hopes and the frenetic logistics of moving our family yet again.

Last July my husband took a job promotion in Chicago. The kids and I stayed in Houston so our oldest daughter could finish her senior year here. The plan was to move our entire family after graduation, most likely to Chicago.

We’ve had news since then that my husband is needed in his company’s new Dallas office. So…we’ll remain in Texas. [mixed emotions there] He now commutes weekly between Houston and Dallas, and we are scheduled to move during the 2nd week of July.

Even though our move will now be only 3 hours away (instead of several states away), moving a family our size – with a house our size – is still a monumental feat.

As part of his relocation package, we’ll have movers pack and transport our things. We had the same arrangement for our move from Oregon to Texas, and although it sounds quite cushy, there are still many challenges.

Namely: deciding exactly what’s worth moving (again) and what needs to be weeded from our possessions. The movers may be packing our things, but I still have to unpack them, and what do I really want to find space for in a new, likely much smaller, home?

So I’ve been finding myself walking through my house, evaluating every couch and cushion, plate, book, photo, and more. Everything, big and small, is under the microscope.

Makes it hard to just live each day, feeling like that. And trust me,  I have enough “life” to occupy my every thought as it is. It’s making me a little crazy to try and fit two lives into each day: things as they are now, things as they need to be in six months.

And yet, I feel blessed to have this time to prepare. We’ve moved before with little notice, and that is tough as well. I need to make the most of this, even if it does make me feel chained to a fixed point 1/2 a year down the road. It’s a tug-of-war, to be sure.

Then there is the entire matter of where, exactly, we will live. Six months seems incredibly early to find an area we love, but I think we have. Which makes me anxious, too, because it’s not like we can put any applications in, pay any deposits, lay claim to anything at all. We have to hope opportunities will be open when it’s time to put everything in writing. That’s a lot of faith to place in the future.

My husband says these months will pass in a flash, and I’m sure he’s right. For now, though, I’m stuck straddling two distinct points in time and praying that the moments in between don’t wreck my nerves too much.

And don’t even get me started on what is coming in September! (two words: daughter + college. yikes!)

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Why My Mind Can’t Manage To Stay in the Present is original, copywritten content (unless otherwise indicated) by Stacey Nerdin for her blog Tree, Root, and Twig. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited.

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For some reason, I was not expecting how fun and festive the park would be! Sea World San Antonio was awash in decorations, and Christmas music played in every corner of the park.

The weather was perfect – clear and in the mid-60′s. The crowds were totally manageable and oftentimes the kids were able to go straight onto the rides. They even went 10 TIMES in a row on Journey to Atlantis! (that’s GOT to be some kind of record)

We broke into two groups at one point, my husband taking the middle three kids, and my oldest daughter, youngest son, and I together.

For our part, we hung out most of the time in and around the Sesame Street Bay of Play. The splash pad was running, but it was a bit too cool to take my 4yo through. Instead, we just scaled the nets, waved at the Sesame Street characters who were there, played on the large play structure under the trees, and of course rode the smaller “kiddie” rides.

We also made sure to catch Azul, the Sea World San Antonio show with the dolphins and beluga whales. We had never seen it before and I really didn’t know what to expect. It was AMAZING. We showed up about 20 minutes before the start of the show, and got pretty good seats.

The show was set to Christmas music, which just made it more festive. The dolphins and beluga whales were certainly entertaining, but I think I was most floored by the high-flying divers and acrobats. I kept gasping at their various feats.

My 4yo was done at the park before the rest of the kids wanted to leave, so we decided to send me back to the hotel with him while my husband and older kids went back into Sea World.

Apparently, after about 7pm there were hardly any people left on the rides (although my kids said the shows were still packed). My husband and kids took advantage and went on Steel Eel twice and Great White four (or five, depending on the kid) times!

My husband snapped this pic of our kids at the end of the evening, after a full day of nearly-unlimited roller coaster rides:

Ha! They all went to bed feeling pretty “green” that night, but everyone agreed that it was a fantastic day.

We have been to Sea World San Antonio at other times during the year, but I would have to say that Christmastime is now my favorite. I loved how festive it was, that the weather was pretty fantastic, and that the crowds were light. Let’s see if we make this a new family tradition!

*Disclosure: Although I received our family’s passes because of my blogging relationship with Sea World, this particular visit was apart from my responsibilities with them, and I had no obligation to post. It just turned out to be a really special family experience and I wanted to share! All opinions expressed are honest and my own.

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Sea World San Antonio at Christmastime is original, copywritten content (unless otherwise indicated) by Stacey Nerdin for her blog Tree, Root, and Twig. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited.

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I dug in my wallet for a dollar bill and asked my son if he’d like to put it in the man’s bucket to help those who didn’t have much money of their own. My 4yo was excited about the prospect, and we took a quick detour to visit the bell ringer.

To his great delight, the bell ringer handed my 4yo son the bell and said, “Would you like to have a turn, little man?” My son rang that bell with gusto and copied what he saw this man doing by calling out “Merry Christmas!” to people passing by.

It was a sweet moment, and gave me a chance to continue the conversation later with my son about why people give money to those in need.

The topic of charitable giving can be a tough one with children of any age, but here are just a few books that help to start the conversation.

The Giving Book: Open the Door to a Lifetime of Giving, by Ellen Sabin

Synopsis:

The Giving Book: Open the Door to a Lifetime of Giving is truly a gift for young readers ages 6 to 11 — inspiring, teaching and engaging them to give back to the world. It is a unique, interactive process that allows parents, teachers or friends to help children understand giving and participate in a stimulating experience. The 64 page, spiral-bound, hardcover book combines colorful illustrations and entertaining narrative with fun learning activities. The book helps them record their ideas, dreams and wishes for the world —making them the authors of their stories and creating a “scrapbook” of their journey into compassion, philanthropy and the power of their actions.

Raising Charitable Children, by Carol Weigman

Synopsis:

An easy-reading how-to guide for introducing children of all ages to charity and volunteering. Raising Charitable Children is packed with practical advice and inspirational, real-life stories of friends and family who have made philanthropy a fun, rewarding part of a child’s life.

The World Needs Your Kid, by Craig Kielburger, Marc Kielburger, and Shelly Page

Synopsis:

Inside this inspiring guide, you’ll find life lessons from remarkable individuals, committed parents, and compassionate children. Contributors include Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Mia Farrow, Jane Fonda, Robert Kennedy Jr., Jason Mraz, and Dr. Jane Goodall. Read revealing stories and insights from the not-so-typical childhoods of Craig and Marc Kielburger. The brothers, whose work now inspires more than a million youth every year, share groundbreaking lessons on teaching kids to care. Discover how small actions every day can make the world a better place. Find out how those same small actions can have a lasting influence on your child’s life. After all, it’s a proven fact that doing good for the world does a world of good for friendships, grades, and self-esteem.

I’ve been inspired recently to talk more with my children about charitable giving, thanks to Kidworth, a free service for families that helps teach children financial responsibility. The Kidworth model rests on three forms of money management: Share, Save, and Spend.

Kidworth, together with the resources I’ve listed here and many more that can be found online, is helping our family become more conscious of others and how we can be responsible financially and civicly in giving to others.

*Disclosure: I am a blogger Ambassador for Kidworth and this post was written as part of my partnership with them. All opinions expressed are honest and my own.

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Teaching Kids About Charitable Giving is original, copywritten content (unless otherwise indicated) by Stacey Nerdin for her blog Tree, Root, and Twig. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited.

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If they had seen me during a work trip in Los Angeles last week – laughing, joking, playfully searching for keys in golf carts on the Fox Studios lot – I wonder if they would have recognized me.

Would they have recognized me in easy conversation with total strangers, and even celebrities? Would they have recognized me speaking with some authority on my work, or with an opinion on current events?

Would they have known the contented, confident woman before them was the same mom who always seems to strained and stressed at home?

What breaks my heart is that I am both women, but rarely have the opportunity to be both at the same time.

Motherhood and family life, though rewarding, is difficult. For every moment of blind happiness, it seems there are twenty more in which my children hear me instructing, scolding, directing, fretting, reasoning, and yes, even crying.

I’m worried they don’t – and won’t – see a woman who feels accomplished and worthy and independent. A woman who cracks jokes, loves to laugh, is up for an adventure, whose soul is stirred by words and thoughts.

I am struggling with the dichotomy of who I am, and who I need to be, in the different places of my life.

I don’t know if – or how – I can bring them together; I don’t know the practicality or possibility of it.

I just know that there are times when one half of me misses the other, and I wish more than anything to be whole.

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One Mother, Two Women is original, copywritten content (unless otherwise indicated) by Stacey Nerdin for her blog Tree, Root, and Twig. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited.

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