In Honor of My Teen Starting Driver’s Ed Tonight… is original, copywritten content (unless otherwise indicated) by Stacey Nerdin for her blog Tree, Root, and Twig. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited.

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(find more Top Ten Tuesday posts at ohamanda.com)

Disclaimer:  I am not being a prude by using certain euphemisms or keystroke replacements when writing about $ex, I’m just trying to minimize disturbing search queries from finding my blog.  And speaking of disturbing…some parents are terrified about having “the talk” with their kids.  Having recently gone a few rounds in this discussion with my own kids, I decided to help boost your confidence in having this IMPORTANT, VITAL conversation with your own kids!  You can do it!

1. Be prepared for having more than one “talk.”  If you think this is a sit down, one-and-done deal, think again.  You’re going to have to reiterate and clarify many things over the years, so park your squeamishness now and get ready for the long haul.
2. Work on your poker face.  Kids will ask questions, say words they’ve heard at school, and even make faces that will either leave you queasy, shocked, or totally amused.  The key is to keep your emotions even – one blatant reaction from you could shut the whole thing down.
3. Emphasize the privacy of the conversation.  This is my own personal choice, but I ask that my kids not repeat our conversations with their friends.  I always tell them it’s up to their friends’ parents to talk with them about intimate matters, and we don’t want to invade on that space.
4. Be aware of what your schools are teaching on the subject.  In many schools, parents are welcome or invited to review the curriculum for this material in health classes.  If that’s not the case in your child’s school, see what you can do about inviting yourself.  I once watched a 5th grade video at school before it was presented to my daughter’s class.  I didn’t find the material objectionable, but it did give me the opportunity to talk with my daughter ahead of time and prepare her for what she was going to see/hear.  It gave her a sense of security that nothing was going to surprise her or make her uncomfortable in front of her peers.
5. ONLY TELL THEM AS MUCH AS THEY ARE READY FOR.  You need to be sensitive to each child’s maturity level and use what you know about them to judge what they “need to know.”  It will be different for each child as to what age you talk about what subjects, but here’s a rough idea of the timing we’ve followed:
6. Birth to 8yrs old:  No talk of $ex at this point, but instead brief discussions about our body, what different parts are for (to feed baby, to go potty, to keep clean), and we always use proper names for parts, never cutesy nicknames.  We also do a lot of talking about keeping things private, and the depressing (yet realistic) idea of Stranger Danger.
7. 8yrs old to tween years:  This is where things get a little more specific for us and we branch out into more intimate matters.  Again, just a little at a time, and always relative to what we believe they can handle.  Usually by 11 or 12 our kids know exactly how babies are made and where they come from.
8. Teen years.  I only have one daughter in this category, so my experience is more limited, but I have seen one significant change in these conversations now that she’s older; we talk a lot more about the physical drives and emotional entanglements of $ex.  It’s less textbook and more Dr. Phil, which is alright, because that’s where she at.  Of course, there are still some conversations about anatomy and different variables (which have been the most rattling of any conversations thus far) that add to her knowledge base, but more than anything she’s interested in the whys (or why nots!) and not the hows.
9. Don’t assume anything about your child’s “activity” level.  For better or worse, don’t assume – just ask.  That’s what I do.  I’ve learned to ask in a way that isn’t accusatory or prying, and my oldest daughter has been surprisingly open about it.  Which I have found is a relief to her, because sometimes things happen that she is confused or unsure about, and she needs to talk to someone.  Which reminds me…
10. Be clear about your expectations for your children.  This doesn’t necessarily mean they will always stand strictly by your standards, but hopefully they’ll remain pretty darned close.  I have always felt that as a mother, it was my obligation to make my feelings and beliefs about intimacy known, so that there was never a question in my children’s minds about it.

There’s so much more that can be said about this subject!  Like how and when and where you talk to your kids (we tend to cozy up on my or their bed and keep the conversation earnest and open).  Or how you might handle sons/daughters differently in this case (which I don’t totally know about yet…my oldest son is 9yo and he’s only been “ready” for very basic principles of this topic).  Or how much you decide to share about your own experiences in this department (I’m still puzzling that out for myself!).  If you have anything to share in the comments, I’d love to read it, as I imagine others would, too!

Top Ten {Tuesday}: 10 Thoughts on Having “The Talk” (Yes, THAT “Talk”) with Your Kids is original, copywritten content (unless otherwise indicated) by Stacey Nerdin for her blog Tree, Root, and Twig. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited.

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I first heard about Yoursphere, a social networking site for kids and teens, at last year’s Type A Mom Conference.  One of the attendees was particularly enthusiastic about the safe, supportive, entertaining environment of this site, considered “social media on training wheels.”  Kids and teens can create profiles, start blogs, share pictures, play age-appropriate games, and join common interest groups – known as “spheres” – or create their own.  All this while parents are able to monitor their child’s activities on the unique Parent Dashboard.

Yoursphere was created by a mom herself – Mary Kay Hoal – who was concerned about the lack of social sites she felt comfortable having any of her five children visit.  A quick look through the staff page on Yoursphere, which boasts Teen Advisors and a Law Enforcement Task Force, shows how much thought and effort has gone into making the site both kid/teen friendly AND safe.

For the next three months, my 11yo daughter and I will be involved in putting Yoursphere to the test.  I’ll share blog posts about our discoveries, what we think works great, and what just needs work.  In the meantime, check it out for yourself and let me know what you think!

Disclosure:  I wrote this post while participating in the Yoursphere Test Drive program by Mom Central on behalf of Yoursphere. I received a free lifetime Gold membership on Yoursphere.com, Yoursphere t-shirts, and a $50 American Express gift card to facilitate my review.

Announcing: I’m a Yoursphere Test Drive Mom! is original, copywritten content (unless otherwise indicated) by Stacey Nerdin for her blog Tree, Root, and Twig. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited.

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(for more Top Ten Tuesday posts, visit – for this Tuesday only – ohamanda’s stand-in,  it’s come 2 this)

Though I’ve shed plenty of tears over my teenage daughters, I have never subscribed to the belief that the teenage years are inevitably difficult for a parent to enjoy. There may be times, ages, and stages when times get hard, but overall, parenting a teen is a glorious thing, and I’ve enjoyed it more than even I expected I would. Here now are the Top 10 Reasons I Love Parenting My Teens.

1. I have SO enjoyed their more sophisticated sense of humor.  These kids crack. me. up.  AND they “get” my jokes, and almost always laugh.  My 13yo daughter in particular has a sharp wit and often takes me by surprise with her zingers.
2. I also love that my teens are beginning to share my interests.  Movies, musicals, reading, writing – I love talking to them about these topics!  And I love that they always have something to say, something to add to the conversation.  We turn up our favorite songs and sing together in the car, we watch favorite chick flicks, we just…share.
3. They come to me as a trusted sounding board.    Now, they don’t always open up right away, or even every time they’re troubled.  I have worked very hard at watching for the signs that they need to talk, and even harder at my “approach.”  When I do it just right, they visibly deflate with relief and tell me what’s going on.  Teens will not always admit this, but they need you to listen.  They need your carefully-worded advice.  Popular myth will tell you that teens could care less about what you have to say, but that is simply NOT TRUE.  They just want to know that you can suppress your own ego/worries/expectations and just hear them.
4. I love watching as they develop more mature friendships.  Gone are the days of meeting on the playground and becoming best friends over the monkey bars.  Teens learn so much during these years about trust, loyalty, and sacrifice.  It makes me proud how deeply my daughters care for their friends.
5. I also love watching as interests grow into passions.  With an increase in experience, confidence, and hopes for the future, my daughters have started holding a bit tighter to their talents and taking themselves more seriously.  And well they should.
6. “I love you, Mom” isn’t an auto-response as it can sometimes be with younger kids.  When my daughters tell me they love me, they mean it, and sometimes they mean more.  Like “Thank you, Mom,” and “I appreciate you, Mom,” and “I can’t believe you put up with some of my garbage, but I’m so glad you do, Mom.”
7. It’s exhilarating to be this near to someone whose possibilities are endless.  I have never tried to vicariously live through my teens, but I am keenly aware of the open road that stretches before them, and I feel a companionable excitement at the opportunities ahead.
8. With their growing independence and capabilities, I finally see how all the endless work of mothering is paying off.  When your kids are little, it’s hard to see what kind of positive cumulative affect comes from chore charts, time-outs, playdates, or the willingness to watch the same Disney movie for the 40th time.  But what used to feel like a hamster wheel is finally starting to look like successful line cast into the future.
9. My teens are much more aware of how they fit into a community.  I love watching as they learn to serve others, have compassion for those in need, and use their time and abilities to improve the lives of others.  My 16yo daughter is particularly good at this.
10.  They are just so stinkin’ fun to be with!  They love to laugh, play jokes, make memories.  They have adventurous spirits and are usually “game” for just about anything. 

Maddy - 13, Hannah - 16, and Abby - almost 12, though she may as well already be a teen!

Top Ten {Tuesday}: 10 Reasons I Love Parenting My Teens is original, copywritten content (unless otherwise indicated) by Stacey Nerdin for her blog Tree, Root, and Twig. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited.

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My oldest daughter is a sophomore in high school, and I knew to expect the flood of college brochures and postcards we’d start getting in the mail toward the end of this school year.

What I did not expect were the other letters – some of them Very Important with Great News for Your Child and Exclusive Opportunities for Your Qualified Student.

We have received half a dozen of the most frustrating, borderline insulting letters from “top scholar” organizations telling us that our child has been chosen/invited/hand-picked for everything from entry into an exclusive scholarship competition to a conference in Washington, DC…

IF

we are able to cough up several hundred to several thousands of dollars for the luxury of her participating in an event she’s been invited to.

What a total scam!  And how infuriating that they sell these programs as being the best possible things to put on college admissions papers.  It has been a revelation to me that it’s not always hard work, good grades, or enriching extra-curricular activities that secure you a sound college education.  It’s the dollars.  And I don’t mean the dollars you pay to attend school, I mean the dollars some people are willing to pay to even get their foot in the door.

No question some of the parents receiving these letters are figuring out a way right now to pay for their child’s participation.  With words like scholar, leader, and honor gracing the pages of these “ads,”  it’s easy to become anxious over wanting your child to be there, to be recognized, to be one of the best among the best.

I just hate the feeling like they’re telling me, “Hey, we just found out your daughter’s a pretty great student, and if you pay X amount of dollars, we’ll make sure everyone else knows it, too.”  My answer to that is, “Hey, I’ve just decided that I don’t need you to tell me what my daughter is.  She knows, we know, and we’ll take our chances that she’ll be able to let colleges know, too.”

Bright, Shiny Future for Sale is original, copywritten content (unless otherwise indicated) by Stacey Nerdin for her blog Tree, Root, and Twig. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited.

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